False Leadership
“Don’t put people who hate people in charge of other people.”
A narcissist has their methodology. You need yours.
Narcissism is everywhere. Bad apples - leaders acting in bad faith - are everywhere. If you are reading this, you have experienced a toxic environment. Organizations are ill-equipped to keep them out. Organizations are ill-equipped to prevent narcissists from reaching positions of power. Narcissists are charming. Seductive. Alluring. There is a huge market for narcissists.
But! That market has a bleak future. The business world is evolving The No Asshole Rule into a universal acknowledgement that narcissism hijacks every organization’s customer-centricity and kills its long-term profitability. To the narcissist, your paying customers cease to matter, and your profits cease to matter. To a narcissist, no one else matters. When you must engage a narcissist, nothing else (no matter how redeeming) about them matters. Even if a narcissist’s what has merit, their why and their how do not. Narcissists are not redeemable. Anything caught in a narcissist’s orbit turns to dust. Long-term, a market size of one is not profitable and not sustainable.
“When you see something nasty on the sidewalk, don’t kick it. You only end up with a dirty shoe.”
If a narcissist’s methodology is more mature than yours, you will be a victim. Consider the following an abbreviated methodology to survive a narcissist.
Step “Zero” … build a dashboard of the false leader’s why, what, and how. Rewrite this example to suit your own situation.
This dashboard helps you distinguish what you embrace versus what you reject of the narcissist’s work. A narcissist’s WHAT are written rules of the game, are likely public, and might be called policy. Their WHY and HOW are unwritten rules of the game, are likely more private, and might be called shadow policy.
Your dashboard frees up your mind to check your self-awareness, explore, be resourceful, and get creative. It gives clarity for your decision whether your self-respect allows you to continue working in the toxic environment or not.
Next in your methodology:
Establish and convey your boundaries (time, ethics, sleep)
Build assets, since you still need to complete valuable work
Aggressively schedule and conduct meetings, but otherwise be vulnerable to what is said and quickly accept rejection of your ideas
Since no one is accountable to you, ensure others are accountable to each other; e.g. through status reports or counterproductive documentation
Keep the bottleneck and microphone in front of the narcissist as much as possible (this is their world; you’re just in it)
Minimize your own talking; scribe others’ comments as precisely as possible (even embrace Verb Sprawl)
Embrace the “theater you” in a short-term role of being a doormat
The “authentic you” retains boundaries without being completely rigid
Steer written output and environmental misery to the narcissist’s patron enablers
If you are willing to accelerate your learning curve in engaging a narcissist, I have a sweet note for you from the future. The narcissist’s future victims thank you.